My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
