If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
