And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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