dude i'm inner monologue high
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Randomize
