My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
