I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
