last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
