Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
