Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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