i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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