I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
then he tried to convert me to islam
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
