Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
