i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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