a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
