I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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