At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
