I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
