I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
