that's an acceptable place to lick
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
