friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
