ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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