well you can't waste a boner
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
