My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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