I think I died a long time ago.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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