If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Rumble strips road head = magical
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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