I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
