The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
