I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
