So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
