I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
