Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
