every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
