apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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