Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
one might say we're banned from that church
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
