this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
