my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
