Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Pants are for mortals
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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