so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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