Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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