I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
