I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Are we still banned from the library?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize