is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
