Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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