I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
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