I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
