My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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