Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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