Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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