If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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