I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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