please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize