Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
found the other keg... it's in the tree
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
