I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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