Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
