We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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