I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
