I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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