I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize