The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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