No, drunk sperm still make babies.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
