Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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