If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
