So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
