you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
