everyone is single if you try hard enough
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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