what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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