i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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