So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
