We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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