i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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