I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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