I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
