no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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