Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
