I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
