i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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