We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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