Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
