arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
