It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
