i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
