sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize