He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
