can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
