it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
