i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize