the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
